yarn.

i think i might be a bad influence….

lace class has now met twice, and i’m going to be very honest….i think i’m running last in the race to see who can make the most sexual innuendos. that being said, if you are faint of heart, or if you want to remain blissfully ignorant to how some of our most prestigious knitters really think you might want to stop reading now. chlc i gave this warning for you.

first you must understand that per the agreements in the contract drew up by andrea and signed and notarized by cindy and i, drinking occurs the minute that the clock hits 6:30. alas, the largest offenders in the dirty joke category are completely sober so they can not claim alcohol as an excuse.

second, feathered faggoting is a legit lace term…no mater how it sounds, the term is totally innocent-its just really really funny. so much so, that on the first night andrea springer (the woman of all things level headed) couldn’t say it without giggling.

finally, before you read the following transcript, copied word for word in front of witnesses, you must understand that we have 3 lace stocking students, 2 lace scarf students (one of which is simultaneously teaching a 2 circular needle sock class too), 1 sock student (who took the class so he could one day achieve his goal of knitting kilt hose), 3 bystanders (1 of which payed her admission with a 6 pack of home brew), and poor somewhat defenseless andrea.

favorite quotes/conversations during lace class:

cindy: everything is fine until i get to row six and at row six the world starts spinning in an opposite direction and it goes hurdling in an unfortunate manner. (cindy has been fighting the lace…the was meltdown 24 or 25 since we began.)

 

janey: my husband is out of town, i’m glad i’m not feathered faggoting.

gail: that’s the best time to do it

janey: yeah, as long as you have fresh batteries.

 

janey: shannon, i’m proud of you, this is the longest i’ve ever seen you dedicated to a project.

shannon: its the second night.

janey: yeah i know, i’m very proud of you.

 

shannon: did you just say slut?

gail: no, slip.

shannon: oh–good thing.

janey: those are different shannon

shannon: i know! i know what both of those words mean.

michael: yeah, but can you use them in a sentence?

janey: both at the same time!

gail: i can!

shannon: so can i!

debbie: lets hear it.

gail: the slut took off her slip scantily

shannon: then she slipped because she was a bad slut.

janey: while she was feathering her faggot!

michael: i’m from san francisco and i can tell you that there aren’t that many feathered ones. and as one, i can say i never have. and as an american indian i can say i never have either.

janey: wow, you just raised our diversity level by like a thousand percent

 

michael: i promise to not knit a thong in front of you,

debbie: shannon you should show him yours!

shannon: i didn’t knit that, it was a gift…from you guys.

there you have it….fun fun times. along with the raunchy humor, many of us are progressing just fine with our projects. cindy, poor thing, has been getting her butt kicked by lace. she is doing much better, but be sure to offer her words of encouragement when you see her. there was some arguments about who was going to finish their stockings first, since i was considerably ahead of her in the pattern. then i reminded her about the calf debacle that i’m going to have to deal with very shortly. let me illustrate this for you, i have popeye calves…big freakish popeye calves.

cheers…shannon

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